one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
