I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
