It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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