Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
