that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
