Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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