Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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