I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
