my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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