I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
