Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
