I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize