Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
