When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
