I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
