sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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