I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She announced her abortion via fbk
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm both gender and math confused
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
