Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
