You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
People in love make me want to vomit
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
