I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
