What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
