I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
