Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
