Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
