Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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