I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
