just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
