Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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