Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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