dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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