We're facebook friends in real life
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
