I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
