oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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