Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
