I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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