Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
