can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
