The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize