Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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