I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
