Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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