The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
