They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Still dying that you shit outside
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
