EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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