Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
