We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
