i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize