yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
