I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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