I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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