not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
