I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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