But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i will never coherently bang her
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
