nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
