I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize