ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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