Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
