a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
