How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
