I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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