Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
