New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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