Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Let's get the cat blown out
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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