does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
