fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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