Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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