How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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