Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
