Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
