So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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