for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
