I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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