dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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