Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
