I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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