It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
