Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
