By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize