You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
