Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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