Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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