420 ftw
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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