forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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