my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
