There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
