whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
