Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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