Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize