Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
