Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
