i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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