so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
