what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
