Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
