if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
