and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I cut my penus on the lid.
two words: eviction party
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
