Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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