you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
