Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I will be naked everywhere
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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