at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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