some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
