what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
tell me about the eggs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
