His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
