Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
