The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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